Academia - its love and hate

I just finished the most marking I've ever done in a week. I keep telling myself and everyone around me that I would never have taken on this extra work if I didn't need the money. I know that my friends can see through my crappy lie. Even though half of the students are disengaged, and one-quarter have little respect for me, there are at least a handful that I seem to be teaching. They actually appear to be learning, they enjoy my lectures and their grades reflect their interest. I have some students that have been having difficulty, and I can't help but take responsibility for that. It's in my nature to feel like its my job to ensure everyone else's success. Logically I realize, however, that in university, adults are paying for education and therefore they are solely responsible for the effort they put into their courses. At the same time, I want them to get their money's worth and therefore I am trying to make sure that I give them a fair shot at achieving their full potential.



So what's the love/hate? Well I hate the pretense that these concrete institutions of learning foster genius and nurture intelligence. It has been my experience that creativity, genius and intelligence are pushed to the sidelines in these institutions. The institution of academia is run by mostly old men and the rules here are less liberal then the arts they supposedly teach. When I am finished my doctoral degree I will have learned some of the most important lessons in my lifetime - don't mess with the old system enforced by even older white men that enjoy its benefits because its their system designed for their benefit alone. Its my jaded view of academia that I hate. I hate that I lost my innocence while studying at an academic institution. I love seeing the young people that are new to this place. I love their passion and their unchallengeable faith that what is right is what should be. I look at these new academics and see what I used to be and while I look into their hopeful eyes I reflect - I love what I used to be and hate what I have become.