So - why do people still go through complex dating rituals? Do they not have any friends? According to this article in the Los Angeles Times I just read, if you are introduced to someone through a friend the likelihood of success is 17%, a whole 5% higher than if a family member introduces you to someone. In my case, however, I have never actually had a friend actually introduce to me to someone, I have just coincidentally decided to "hook-up" with a friend-of-a-friend, but there was no "set-up". So how come other people have so much trouble?
Do they have trouble talking to new people in social settings? Perhaps they just aren't as social as I am, however I find this hard to believe because I really am not the most social person I know. I don't even go out every week. So what is the reason there are so many singles - why are dating services growing? How do they know the answers to success that the rest of us don't? I believe I know the answer. No-one raises their children anymore with the rules for how to find a good life partner. There are some guidelines. In my case, my mother couldn't give me any because she still hasn't learned them herself. I had to get the rules from my therapist. It's really simple, however, and I will share what I think I have picked up - and if anyone else out there would like to add to my list so that our single friends have a greater chance at success without needing to pay for a service, I would appreciate your input:
- sit down and picture your ideal life/future
- think about the qualities of the person who would best compliment that life
- write those qualities down, in the greatest detail
- think about your flaws (be honest!)
- what qualities in a person will be best to compliment you when you are at your worst
- write those qualities down, too
- think about the type of person you are attracted to - are they tall, handsome, and funny, for instance?
- write down the things that you need to maintain that spark - sparks are important
- the last set of qualities in your mate that are important are the ones you absolutely don't want. E.G.; if you don't want your partner to travel because you are a homebody and are not good a long distance relationships then you need to write this down.
- Now look at your list. Prioritize these qualities as best as you can.
- Think about where you might go to find a person like the one you have described. If you want to find a person who is athletic and takes their health seriously than spend more time at the gym.
- Think about the types of questions you need to ask a person or the types of conversations you might bring up in order learn about the type of person that is described in your list. From now on, when you meet people that you are interested in, ask these questions and bring up conversation that will instantly allow you to gauge how closely that person compares to your list of "ideals". When you meet a person who is really close, continue getting closer to them and try them out for a more serious relationship.
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